I Stepped In A Cake Pan

Living in an emotional bubble clouds my vision, steals my balance, robs me of sleep and causes me to step in the middle of a cake pan laying on my living room floor. Why? Refer to "emotional bubble clouds my vision". This cake pan was nestled in the top of several other baking pans. They slid out from under me and I, fortunately, fell onto a nearby chair. 

I have fallen more in the past three months than I have fallen in my entire life. I simply am not aware of my physical environment. Well, I am not aware until I find myself moving through the air towards the floor or the ground or, if lucky, onto a nearby chair. Each time is a complete surprise. That thought could go unsaid as only trained professionals plan to fall. I am not a trained professional of anything that comes to mind at this moment.

I am not as young as I once was and reporting I am falling more now frequently illicits raised eyebrows and pointed questions from medical professionals. How do I tell them that I am in a bubble, lost in thought, lost in the absence of the rigors of long term caregiving, lost in grieving my husband's death and clumsy by nature. I lose them at my first attempt to explain. I think they are just waiting for the magic number of falls to qualify me for concerned confinement. Maybe I am dramatic. Maybe they are not even raising their eyebrows at my situation. Could be they have a loose eyelash or are thinking of someone in a genuine pickle? 

Nah, the world is all about me! I am visible to myself.  Hyper-aware of my needs and acutely aware of the need for fulfillment. Maybe that is why I fall and step in cake pans and trip over boxes, cords and the edges of other stuff lurking on the floor. With my nose firmly planted in my navel as I yell, "Hello in there!" The first three letters of Hello echo back. "Hell, hell, hell!" and then silence. Who is speaking to me from my navel? I think they must see my needs and want to meet them. Sadly all the evidence points to the contrary of any caring someone echoing back to me from my navel.

Moments like the ones I have taken to write this post give me a startle. What on earth lives in my grey matter that allows this drivel to flow with ease? I suspect whatever resides in my belly button is causing me to fall.. Someone is responsible and I am confident it is not me!